I haven’t seen Horrible Bosses, but I heard it was pretty funny. Office humor all pales in comparison to Office Space and the humor of Mike Judge and Dilbert. However, apparently it was good enough, or at least made enough money to warrant a sequel. In honor/shame of Horrible Bosses 2 hitting theaters this weekend, let’s meander through Hollywood and find the Top 5 Horrible Movie Bosses. Shut down those fax machines, hold all your calls, and tell you assistant to take a lunch break and enjoy!
5) Miranda Priestly from The Devil Wears Prada
Meryl Streep relentlessly harasses Anne Hathaway and pretty much everyone in her path in this movie. She the type of boss that will steal your soul, crush it into dust, and then instruct you to cancel her dinner plans and redesign the fall line. You don’t want a boss like this, unless you can go through the journey of being her assistant and then gain her respect while still maintaining who you are and then you get a better job and gain a mutual respect for one another. Or you can watch The Devil Wears Prada and not bother going through all that.
I think my favorite part about Miranda Priestly is not her character, but Michael Scott from the Office trying to act like her after every time he watches the movie. I also have a soft spot for this movie as a fan of the show Project Runway and Streep’s character is not really far away from the personalities of some of the people that have cycled through the show. If you haven’t seen this movie, I think you will be pleasantly surprised.
4) Gordon Gekko from Wall Street
The sleazy, scummy, underbelly of Wall Street, Gordon Gekko is the charismatic and cool guy you start working for because he is so awesome, only to be talked into insider trading, back alley deals, and lots of drugs. His mantra, “Greed is good,” defines his dealings and the lengths he is willing to go to make sure his money lust is satiated. No one wants a boss who rewards you for breaking the law to gain wealth and give you his trophy girlfriend to keep you appeased. The only possible end game with a boss like this is to end up in prison or dead from a multitude of options. Strangely, I remember lots of guys from my high school quoting Gordon Gekko and thinking he was the best thing ever. I’m pretty sure they missed the point of the movie.
3) J Jonah Jameson from The Spider-Man series
The fast-talking, brash, and boorish J Jonah Jameson from the Spider-Man comics is masterfully portrayed by J.K. Simmons in the Tobey Maguire era of Spider-Man movies. Obsessed with his belief that the web-slinging hero is a vigilante and a criminal, but also a great driver of sales, he’ll be grateful for the photographs you get but pay you almost nothing for them. He’ll sue you for libel one minute, then slander you the next, making sure to distinguish between the two as he is an editor at heart and a man of context. If you can put up with the constant abuse and pushing for the next new scoop, you can work for Jameson. Truthfully, you’re better off jumping comics and going to work with Clark Kent, Lois Lane, and Jimmy Olson at the Daily Planet and work for Perry White, who is much more fair-minded than his Marvel comic counterpart.
2) Bill Lumbergh from Office Space
Yeaaaahhh, I’m gonna go ahead and say this is the most common trope for today’s bosses and one of the best movies made for memes and gifs long before those were things. Bill Lumbergh is the boss that you dread showing up at your desk while you’re trying to space out. His lethargic, obnoxious voice oozes into our brain and into your weekend as he asks you to come in on Saturday and Sunday. Just when you think you managed to avoid him all week, there he is wondering where those TPS Reports are and why you are behind on your work in a casual but authoritative way. You can explain to him that you have a weekend filled of smashing copy machines and playing “Jump to Conclusions”, but it doesn’t matter, those digits of code need to be updated for the 2000 switch. You’d best find a different company to work for before the mumbly guy gets his stapler stolen and burns down the building. I wonder, has any one had a boss like this? I have worked in an office environment for about three years and none of my bosses have been like this. I had a co-worker who was kind of like this, but at least he couldn’t make me come in on weekends.
1) Darth Vader from Star Wars
On the surface, working for an all-powerful Lord of the Sith seems like quite the job. You’ve got that strange force on your side, maximum TIE Fighter protection and a Super Star Destroyer that can only be taken down by a lucky, doomed A-Wing. What more could a guy ask for?
The only problem is that your boss doesn’t respond well to failure, and you’re liable to get yourself choked dead for even taking full responsibility and apologizing. I mean, I can take a stern warning or even a chewing out (as long as that chewing out isn’t a rancor), but getting choked to death for making a mistake or making his coffee too strong is a little too much for me. You can even not be working for him and just be a fellow team member, but if you insult the Force, get ready to feel the invisible hand on your throat. You can’t even call his superior and have him deal with his abandonment, lost love, and daddy issues because his higher up is another Sith Lord! How frustrating. You’re better off finding a new job, preferably NOT on a Death Star, and cashing in your cushy Imperial 401K to put towards an interstellar flight to the farthest regions of the Outer Rim.